This is the first in a
series of five posts going into more depth on the five modes of conflict
outlined in the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI), developed
by Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann
as part of their research in the 1970s. My interest here is two-fold:
to understand how conflict affects teams, and to reflect how creativity
may help to manage conflict. The introduction to these posts is here, which includes links to the other modes.
The first of the five modes of conflict is Competing, which describes when a person is assertive (they satisfy their own concerns) and uncooperative (they do not satisfy the other person’s concerns). Even though the aim of this mode is to win, and often at any cost, it is not a "win-win" situation. The other party's concerns are un-met, so this mode is "win-lose."
In my experience, the Competing mode is chosen (or preferred) by people who fall into two camps:
- They either intuitively or deliberately take an pro-active or aggressive position in tense situations, or
- They fear conflict so much that they over-compensate by going “over-the-top”
Competing should be used primarily in situations when the outcome is extremely important to you. You need to be assertive, so your two options are Competing and Collaborating. Ideally, Collaborating is a often a better option - it's "win-win" - but when this mode is not an option, Competing at least ensures you meet or satisfy your concerns. Ideal situations for the Competing mode include those times when you must make a decision, you must assert yourself, or you need to protect or defend your interests.
However, Competing has significant drawbacks. Most of all, it can strain or damage the relationship with the other party which, in turn, provokes a variety of negative responses: ongoing confrontation (especially with future negotiations, such as revenge), or lower motivation, interest or initiative. In other words, use Competing only when necessary – not as a default or commencing style.
If Competing is the Appropriate Option ...
... here are some questions to inspire your creativity to create options which might minimise negative emotions or resistance.
How can you build your credibility?
To persuade the other party in a constructive way requires you to make your case, not just dictate. One way to persuade in the Competing mode is to explain why. Be transparent. Be clear. Be rational without appearing aloof. If any part of the decision reeks of a hidden agenda, your credibility is shot - and that's one asset you can't afford to damage.